We Don’t Have to Do Anything, But We Can’t Do Nothing.
(an excerpt from The Progress Challenge by Dean Lindsay)
Ever call up a buddy and ask, “What are you doing?” and they said, “Nothing.” You can’t do “nothing.” Doing nothing requires taking heavy medication. Actually, taking heavy medication is still doing something. Sleeping is doing something. So is staring into space; so is flossing your teeth; so is scratching your arm; so is eating a plate of lima beans; so is waiting in the dentist’s waiting room. We are always investing our time somewhere for some reason. We might not connect with the reasons consciously, but we are always doing something.
“Doing nothing is not as easy as it looks. You have to be careful, because the idea of doing anything could easily lead to doing something, which would cut into your nothing and force you to have to drop everything.” — Jerry Seinfeld
We have each said to ourselves at some point, “Why am I doing this?” Consciously or unconsciously, we choose to do what we believe to be the best option at the time. We may even know consciously that the activity is not good for us but still we do it. There are reasons. They are our reasons. We may not be able to vocalize them, or even wrap our minds around them, but we have reasons for the actions we take.
The action may not be what we wished we would have wanted to take. Still, we chose to act (based on the circumstances and anticipated consequences). That is what personal regret is: wishing we’d have wanted to do something differently.
When we look back upon actions we have regretted, we find that, at the time, we thought that taking the action would help us attain some mixture of pleasure, peace of mind, profit, prestige, pain avoidance, and power. We regret the action because we did not receive the Ps that we expected, and/or because our actions deprived someone else of those good outcomes.
Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t have a choice”? Not true. We always have a choice, usually several. The choices may not be enjoyable, safe, or even legal, but there are always choices. Every choice has consequences. Maybe we view the consequences as unpalatably negative for us, but we do have choices. The choices might not be choice choices, but there are always choices from which to choose (that was a fun sentence to write).
We don’t have many have to’s.
We don’t have to kiss our spouse.
We don’t have to exercise; we don’t have to pray.
We don’t have to smile, or even brush our teeth.
We don’t have to sleep or pay our mortgage.
We don’t have to feed our pets or hug our kids.
We don’t have to pay for our kids’ higher education (or for our pet’s higher education, for that matter).
We don’t have to eat.
You say, “Wait a minute, Deano. We have to eat.”
Are there people who chose not to eat? Yes.
What has happened to them? They died (painfully). It’s still a choice. (If you know me, you know I choose to eat, and hug my kids, and to pray, for that matter.)
We do not have to pay our income tax. The consequences may include us going to jail but that is our choice.
We do not have to stop at stop lights. The consequences may include injuring ourselves and others – again, our choice. We do not have to work. We’ve sold ourselves (most would say rightfully) on the idea that the benefits of working outweigh the benefits of not working.
I asked a group I was working with once:
“Do you have to work?”
Somebody yelled out, “You do if you don’t want to live in a tent.”
I said, “Are there people who choose to live in tents?”
They responded, “Yeah. But I don’t want to live in a tent.”
I said, “Exactly.”
These are choices that we are making. There is power in that. At each moment, we make decisions based on what we believe will help us feel the Six Ps of Progress – in the short term or long term. As an example, let’s take an activity that most people would say they wish they didn’t have to do – mowing the lawn.
Why mow the lawn?
– Maybe we want to have a good-looking yard like the neighbors do, and don’t want to look like dirtbags. (Prestige; Pain avoidance)
– Maybe it gives us a sense of accomplishment and a chance to think. (Peace of Mind, Pleasure)
– Maybe we believe lawn mowing offers exercise. (Pleasure, Pain Avoidance)
– Maybe we don’t want to get fined by the city. (Pain avoidance)
– Maybe a significant other “told” us to. (Pain avoidance of not doing what significant other wants; Pleasure from pleasing significant other)
– Maybe we would rather keep our money than pay someone else to mow it. (Profit, Pain Avoidance)
How we judge the results is subjective. Having a well-groomed lawn offers progress for some. For others, amassing a noteworthy collection of vintage lipstick holders offers progress. There is always a result, an outcome.
We cannot not accomplish something. Some shift in feeling attends everything that we do. There is a new normal. It may be only ever so slightly new, but it’s new.
There is some profit in having a garage sale.
There is some power in punching someone.
There is some pleasure in eating a bag of Pringles.
(I know it is not a bag of Pringles but what is it — a cardboard sphere of Pringles? What? A tube of Pringles, I guess.)
We may not like or care for what is achieved, but there are outcomes and consequences – and these outcomes affect our next action.
Did the action (eating that sandwich, working for that company, using that wireless company, reading that book, wearing those shoes, buying that house) result in us feeling enough pleasure, peace of mind, profit, prestige, and power?
Did the action help us avoid enough pain?
There are outcomes for both parties when someone chooses to utilize our products and services. There are outcomes when someone decides not to utilize our products and services. This is also extremely subjective. We value achievements, as well as gauge success, based on whether the time and effort invested in the activity help us feel enough of the Six Ps of Progress.
We can’t choose nothing. Choose Progress.
(an excerpt from The Progress Challenge by Dean Lindsay)